Are You An Insecure Leader?

Security is the main ingredient of healthy relationships.  You need healthy relationships with others in order to fulfill the call God has placed on your life.  As a Kids Ministry Leader, your goal is to raise up others to join you in the vision of raising the next generation of life-long followers of Christ.  If you are not secure in who you are and who God has created you to be, you will (consciously or not) poison your relationships with the people God puts around you. 

My pastor, Rod Loy, challenged us last week in our staff meeting to evaluate whether or not we are Secure or Insecure Leaders.  Here is part of a grid he provided for us:

Insecure Leader – when someone else succeeds, they divert credit to themselves

Secure Leader – gives credit away to others.

Insecure Leader – surrounds themselves with weaker people because they have an inner need to be adored

Secure Leader – is comfortable with the strengths of others and surround themselves with strong leaders

Insecure Leader – when evaluating themselves, they only see weaknesses

Secure Leader – they know their weaknesses exist, but they are not crippled by them

Insecure Leader – evaluate by “how do I compare to others?”

Secure Leader – evaluate themselves by “how am I doing right now?”

Insecure Leader – can’t laugh at themselves

Secure Leader – laugh at their mistakes, seeing them as another opportunity to learn

Insecure Leader – resists evaluation (they have inextricably connected their performance with their self-worth)

Secure Leader – embraces evaluation as an opportunity to grow

Insecure Leader – they are very hard on others who make mistakes

Secure Leader – more patient with other people and with their growth process

Insecure Leader – may enjoy success for a season

Secure Leader – will enjoy success for a lifetime

Insecure Leader – says “Blessings are to be enjoyed by me!”

Secure Leader – asks “How many blessings can I share?”

Insecure Leader – produces insecure followers

Secure Leader – produces other secure leaders

So, are you a Secure Leader or an Insecure Leader?  It’s not too late to change course:

1)  Learn to see yourself the way God sees you.

2)  Hang around secure leaders and friends.

3)  Recognize when reactions are based on insecurity.  Retrain yourself away from those reactions.

4)  Ask God to help you become more secure in Him so that you can build a team of Secure Leaders to help you reach this generation and advance the cause of Christ!

The more secure you are, the better leader you will be.

Amazing Innovation In Kidmin Staging and Sets

Sharing space with Youth Ministry or a School?  Tired of the grind of having to spend hours setting up and tearing down your Kidmin set pieces?  My great friend, Steve Hogue, has patented an UNBELIEVABLE and life-changing idea just for YOU!

It’s called the “Inflate-A-Set”, and it is incredible!  The idea was born out of Steve’s own plight of having to share space with other ministries within the church and taking too much time to set up and tear down.  He began with children’s church in the school’s gymnasium, which is also the chapel room, which is also where youth church meets on Wed. nights.  Set up and tear down, setup and tear down…maybe you can relate!

Steve’s challenge turned into an inspiration…a true God-design!  God literally downloaded plans for a children’s church set that could “blow up” (ok, so “inflate” is probably a better word).   Simply attach a 1 horse blower and you have a cool backdrop, with a puppet stage or doorway and a place for a rear-projection screen!  Set up and break down is less than 10 minutes! 

This innovative, patented design has not only helped his ministry, but is saving time, energy and money for many churches across America!  Inflate-A-Set officially went on the market in August 2009 and is creating a  lot of buzz.   Inflatable sets are durable, versatile, affordable, and portable!

Check out this video which shows how easy it is to set up:

Want more info?  CLICK HERE to visit Steve’s website and find out how amazing Inflate-A-Set really is.  I have seen it in action and was BLOWN AWAY!  (this is me, Brian Dollar, writing this – this is NOT a paid commercial!  In fact, Steve doesn’t even know I am writing this post – won’t he be surprised?  LOL!)

Helping Parents Teach Their Kids To Make Wise Decisions

We all want our kids to be wise.  We train them, talk to them, model for them, do everything we can to instill Godly wisdom and practical intelligence in their minds.  We hope and trust in the scripture we have quoted numerous times throughout our trails and tribulations of parenthood:

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

The question still remains…how do you GUARANTEE that your child will walk in the way they should go?  How do you GUARANTEE that all of the principles, lessons, and wisdom you have poured into them will actually stick with them when they launch out into the world?

The truth:  there is no guarantee.  Your kids were born with the same FREE WILL that Adam and Eve had.  Although we can’t guarantee that our child will grow to bat .1000 in their decision-making, there are scriptural principles and skills we can develop in them to help them become wise.

This is the final installment of the four-part series I taught to the parents in my church, “How To Talk To Your Kids About ____________.”  I have included the outline and the full audio of the teaching below.  Feel free to use them to help the parents of your church raise children who make wise and Godly decisions.

“How To Talk To Your Kids About Making Wise Decisions” 

1)    Ask God for help.  James 1:5

2)    Establish clear boundaries.

3)    Explain the “why.”

4)    Practice what you preach.

5)    Connect their decisions to God’s Word.  2 Timothy 3:16

6)    Walk your child through the decision making process

Questions to ask when walking through the decision making process:

  • Does the Bible specifically prohibit or command it?
  • How will this choice affect me or my family?
  • Can this become habit-forming or give anything mastery over my body, mind, or spirit?
  • Does this choice draw attention to me or bring glory to God?
  • Will making this choice cause anyone else to “stumble?”
  • Does my conscience tell me that God will be pleased with this choice?  Am I confident God would encourage me to make this choice?
  • Will this choice cause me to lose the respect of those I care about?
  • Is this choice being made so I can get as close as I can to sinning without technically sinning?
  • Will this choice make sharing my faith more difficult?
  • What does my pastor and/or spiritual leaders suggest? 

7)    As your child grows, allow them to make more decisions for themselves.

8)    Don’t shield your child from consequences.

9)    Reconnect and evaluate the decision with your child.

Questions to ask when evaluating an unwise decision:

“What part did you play in this?”

“What are you going to do differently next time?”

“What did you learn from this?”

10)  Pick them up, dust them off, and let them make another decision.

Related Posts:

“How To Talk To Your Kids About GOD”   

“How To Talk To Your Kids About DEATH & TRAGEDY”

“How To Talk To Your Kids About SEX”

Helping Parents Talk To Their Kids About SEX

For too long, the church has been silent on the issue of SEX.  Children (and adults alike) hear little to nothing on the subject of healthy sexuality from the church.  Part of the reason it is not spoken about from the pulpit is that it makes us uncomfortable.  It makes us uncomfortable because it rarely brought up in the pulpit.  It’s a self-perpetuating cycle, so we consider it off limits.

Many parents are so paranoid about their kids becoming sexually active, they foolishly think that by not approaching the subject of sex for as long as possible, they will somehow keep them from learning about it and falling into sin.  Because it so off limits for their behavior, they’ve made it off limits for their conversation with their kids.

I started the series “How To Talk To Your Kids About ____________” several weeks ago.  I have been speaking to the parents of our church about how to have the tough, meaningful conversations with their kids.  I have included the outline for the talk, “How To Talk To Your Kids About SEX” below.

You can listen to the audio of the entire talk HERE:

“How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex”

1)      Sex was created by GodGenesis 8:17

2)      Few parents ever give their kids a healthy sex education.

When Talking To Your Kids About Sex:

1)      Begin early.

2)      Use proper terms, not nick names.

3)      Be measured in the amount of information you give.

4)      Talk about God as the Creator.   Psalm 139:13

5)      Schedule the talk.

6)      Create a comfortable and safe environment to talk.

7)      Relax.

8)      Keep God as the focus.  1 Corinthians 6:16

9)      Be open to using outside resources or illustrations.

10)   Clearly express that God has reserved sexual intercourse for marriage alone.  Hebrews 13:4

11)   Explain that sex is a component of a healthy marriage relationship, not a stand-alone event.

12)   Allow your child to ask questions.

13)   Encourage your child to keep sexual conversations between you and them.

14)   Invite your children into an ongoing conversation.

15)   Remember the goal:  a lifetime of sexual purity.

Related posts:

“How To Talk To Your Kids About GOD”   

“How To Talk To Your Kids About DEATH & TRAGEDY”

Don’t Kick Yourself!

Children’s Ministers, Kidmins, and Friends,

I know so many of you are working with limited budgets and need to make your dollars stretch as much as possible.  That said, I hope you can take advantage of this super sweeeeeet deal from

There’s only 50 hours left…that’s it.

$97 for $1,979 worth of Children’s Ministry resources.  It includes a ton of curriculum, PowerPoint games, logos, videos, and more.  If you miss this deal, you will definitely kick yourself.

Don’t kick yourself!  Go to before Noon on Thursday!

CM Leaders: THE Destination For Kidmin Leaders this Fall

Children’s Ministry has always been full of individuals who have a passion and gift for loving, reaching, and teaching children.  Our kids need those who are gifted in teaching and pointing the way to Christ in a way that captivates their heart and motivates them to become life-long followers of Christ.

However, the role of Children’s Pastor/Kids Ministry Director has significantly shifted in the past decade or so.  The qualifications and expectations for those leading the Children’s Ministry Departments has moved from “must be great with kids” to “MUST be a leader of leaders.”  There’s just no escaping it.  If you want to be a world-changer in Kidmin – you MUST sharpen your leadership skills.

INCM (the organization that brings you CPC each year) recognized this as a desperate need.  They created CM Leaders to help develop this generation of Kidmin Leaders and help them raise their level of leadership skills.  Let’s face it – the only way to reach our full potential as Kidmin Leaders is to be able to pour the passion we have for Kids into others who can join the effort!

I am very honored to have been asked to speak at CM Leaders in Columbus, OH this September 13-14, 2012.  There is an incredible lineup of speakers including Sam Luce, Phil Vischer, Mike Johnson, Larry Fowler, Marie Kuck, Margaret Feinberg, Michael Chanley, and many others.  (see full list of speakers HERE)

It is affordable.  In fact, you can’t afford to miss it!  The great people of INCM are giving my blog readers a special promo code to save BIG – get your registration for only $99 (regularly $207) by using the code highvoltage during checkout (make sure you click the “apply coupon” button).

For more information, CLICK HERE!  If you want to register, CLICK HERE!  I look forward to meeting you there!  It’s going to be a life-altering event!

How To Talk To Kids About DEATH and TRAGEDY

We were all shocked by the actions of a lone madman several weeks ago in Colorado in the “Midnight Movie Massacre.”  We were all shocked at the death toll, rocked by the devastation that had been caused by this crazed killer who took the lives and futures of so many innocent people – including a six year old girl.

Like many, you might have had the thought, “Wow.  That could have happened here.”  And, it’s true.  Tragedy knows no boundaries.  It does not discriminate between people.  Tragedy can hit any community, any family, any individual, at any time.

Aside from mass shootings, terrorist attacks, Earthquakes, and other mass disasters, there are tragedies that eventually strike every family.  The death of a loved one.  An accident that permanently injures someone.  The sudden loss of income due to layoffs or being fired.  These are the every day tragedies and losses that parents struggle to explain and help their children through.

I began a series at my church last week, “How To Talk To Your Kids About…”  It just happened that the topic for the night was “How To Talk To Your Kids About Death And Tragedy.”  I have included the outline below.

You can hear the audio of the entire teaching here:

Feel free to use this to teach the parents in your own church.  I pray it is helpful.

“How To Talk To Your Kids About Death & Tragedy” 

  1. Be honest with them.
  2. Use appropriate language.     Hebrews 9:27
  3. Allow them to ask questions.
  4. Allow your child to be emotional.   Ecclesiastes 3:4
  5. Be aware of your own need to grieve.
  6. Grieve together.  Romans 12:15      Job 2:11-13
  7. Don’t force an emotional response.
  8. Expect regression.
  9. Pray together.    Hebrews 13:5
  10. Remember that grieving is a process, not an event.

Related Posts:  

“How To Talk To Your Kids About GOD”

“How To Talk To Your Kids About SEX”